


Stars

by MistressVanya



Series: Garden of Roses and War [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Platonic Relationships, Self-Doubt, implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 12:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15930722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressVanya/pseuds/MistressVanya
Summary: 'After all, one dying star means nothing to the sky…'





	Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, there! This is my first work in this fandom. I usually write at Touken Ranbu fandom, but I'm in love with Fire Emblem so I think I'm going to give a shot writing at this fandom. Before we start, let me introduce you briefly to my Summoner, Katja Rosengarten. She's currently 25 years old (will turn 26 at September 22nd). More information about her will be revealed at later works. 
> 
> Also, English is not my mother language so I deeply apologize for any spelling or grammatical error.
> 
> Best Regards,  
> Mistress Vanya

_“…I don’t know any of the constellations of this world, but it doesn’t make their light any less beautiful…”_

That’s what Ephraim said to her when she accidentally stumbled into him leaning against the brick balcony, greenish-blue eyes wandering to the dark sky above him. Katja never really paid any attention to the stars, neither here at Askr, nor back at Manhattan. Besides, it was quite hard to see sky full of stars clearly at Manhattan, due to pollution and light from the buildings. But now, she often spends her time gazing at the dark sky before she sleep.

They are beautiful, indeed just like what Ephraim said. Katja is no stranger to constellations, as her mother often told her about the stories of each constellations, yet to actually spot them on the sky is quite a hard work. Still, they shine so bright it urges her to count each of them as many as she can.

The stars, the constellations, they all shine together. Katja wonders to herself, will they realize it if one of them died? Will they just forget the dying star and move on? Will one dying star means something to them? What does the dying star feel when no other stars will realize its disappearance? The same question, but from different perspective.

And here she is, just one dim star among other radiantly twinkling stars that are the heroes from another worlds. One dim star that surely no one will notice even if she disappear into thin air. They are all wonderful and strong, splendid stars. Yet they still gather around her, just one dim and dull little star. What did they see in her, anyway? If it is just her ability to summon heroes, Alphone could pick anyone better than her. If it is her mind for strategy and tactics, there are a lot of tacticians there at Askr, who are much more better than her.

Why her, who is currently still fumbling around to get her way with war strategy. Katja is used to formulate marketing strategy, not war strategy. Still, they follow her, one foolish person whose life was not as important as the others.

“Lady Katja, why are you still awake?” Seliph’s voice pulls her away from her own little world. “We have a battle to fight tomorrow. And we certainly don’t want our Summoner exhausted.” His smile is warm and gentle, and it somehow hurts her.

_‘Don’t give me your smile, Seliph… I’m not worth your smile,’_

“I will, Seliph.” Katja reassure him, a slight smile on the corner of her lips. “You too, go back to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day for us.”

_‘I don’t want to be a burden to you…’_

“Okay! Night, Lady Katja.” He waves to Katja and jogs back to his own room, leaving Katja alone again.

She sighs softly. Yes, she should get some sleep. She doesn’t want to be a burden for them. They’re fighting the enemies  _and_  protecting her at the same time. Protecting her life, whom its owner barely value it. If she’s exhausted and collapsed tomorrow, she’ll be a burden for them, and that’s the last thing she want.

However, a small, traitorous voice whispers in her head.

_‘Maybe you are a burden,’_

“Maybe…” She mumbles as she returns to her own bedroom.

_‘Maybe it would be better if I disappear…’_

_‘After all, one dying star means nothing to the sky…’_

\---OooOooO—

Noises.

“Katja!”

“Lady Katja, stay awake!” Seliph?

What happened?

Everything is a blur.

“Healer! Where is healer!” Oh, Eldigan’s voice.

Pain. Immense pain.

Katja can’t move.

She’s half-numb and half in excruciating pain from her left side.

“No, don’t pull that! You’ll make her bleed to death!”

_‘Am I dying?’_

“Lucius, quick!” Katja could barely make the shape of Ephraim’s worried face above her.

“I’m here—Milady, please stay with us…”

Ah, now she understands. She’s been wounded, wasn’t she? That explains the pain.

_‘Ahh, I’m a burden again for them.’_

“Retreat!” Eldigan’s voice reverberates around.

“Everything will be okay, Milady,” Lucius is smiling down at her as he tries his best to slow down the bleeding, at least until they arrived back at the castle, where he can properly heal her.

_‘No, Lucius don’t…’_

It’d be better if she died. She’ll spare Lucius the effort.

Katja tries to speak, but all that come out is garbled speech.

“Don’t talk, Katja…” Eldigan’s strong arms are under her neck and knees as he swiftly lifts her without any difficulty. “You will be fine… Don’t worry…” The blonde is smiling, though a tight and forced one.

“….Shoulda…let me…die…” is the only thing Katja could mutter to Eldigan before everything fades into black.

\---OooOooO---

That week is one of the hardest week in Askr. Everyone in the away team, mainly Eldigan, Seliph, and Ephraim feel like it was their fault that Katja almost died from a single arrow to her left side. Though if Seliph hadn’t pushed her out of the way, that arrow surely would pierce her heart instead of her side. Frankly, it was nobody’s fault. The shooter was unpredicted in any way, probably some kind of bounty hunter or assassin looking for extra gold by killing Askr’s summoner. After Katja was shot and fell to the ground, Eldigan ambushed the shooter’s hideout and kill him instantly before returning to the fallen Summoner. They were really lucky Katja brought Lucius with them. If not, she surely would die.

It was left to Lucius and Lissa, and of course Katja’s own willpower. Usually, an arrow wound is not that hard to heal. Everything went wrong once they realized that the arrow was covered with poison. Not a lethal one, but the one where making the antidote was a pain in the ass. They didn’t even notice the presence of the poison until Katja went into a alarming fever.

Several days have passed since the incident. The castle is painfully silent, and gloomy. The absence of a certain Summoner somehow manages to lower the heroes’ morale. Even the usually cheerful Sharena has lost her smile. Little Kana keep asking his Mama, “She won’t die, right Mama?” which Corrin replied by hugging him tightly.

“No, darling. She will be alright, I can assure you that.”

\---OooOooO---

“Ow…” Katja wakes up with a painful groan as her left side flared with pain. She collapses back into the bed with another heavy groan.

“Ah…” She glances at the ceiling. She must be in the infirmary now, where the healers could attend to her without having to feel like they’ve disrupted her privacy. “…So I’m still alive, huh?” Katja mumbles to herself. “I thought they’d left me dead…”

“About a damn time you wake up, Katja,” A familiar voice from the door caught her attention. Ephraim, clad in his training outfit, leans against the door with both hands crossed in front of his chest. “You’re making everyone worry, you know.” The prince of Renais walks to the bed, sitting on the edge of it.

“I’m very aware of that, your Highness.” Katja in pain is a sassy Katja. “Forgive this humble slave o’ mighty Prince, for I have taken your attention from your princely duties.” She sneered sarcastically, hiding the pain she currently felt. Where is a painkiller when she needs it the most? This is not the worst pain she ever felt from battle, but this one is  _burning_ , as if there is a fire on her side.

Even with that sharp sentences dripping with sarcasm, Ephraim couldn’t help but smile in relieve. “Well, we should get your something to alleviate the pain. I’m just glad that you’re awake now. Everyone must be ecstatic too.” Ephraim already imagines Eirika’s happy noises when she heard that Katja has woken up.

As if on cue, Lucius enters the infirmary holding a bottle filled with purple (purple??) liquid Katja dearly hoped as a painkiller.

“Sir Ephraim, please don’t tease Lady Katja,” He scolds the prince gently, still with that smile on his face. “Good morning, Lady Katja. I see you’re awake now. How do you feel?” The blond approaches her, taking some moments to check the wound.

“Like I’m being fucked by Chrom’s horse. In the side.” Another groan of pain escapes her throat as her wound throbs painfully.

Ephraim has to hold his laugh back at Katja’s sarcasm. The side that only appears when the Summoner is in terrible pain or having too much emotions piled up inside. Lucius, like Ephraim, just laugh softly and hands Katja the bottle. “I see. I should tell Sir Chrom not to let his horse run free again, then. Here, Milady. This should help you with the pain.” The healer help her sit for a while so that she could empty the bottle in one gulp.

“…ugh. Lucius you should’ve warned me.” She grimaces, handling the bottle back to Lucius before settling down on the bed again.

“If I did, you wouldn’t drink it.”

“You’re so damn right I won’t drink it.”

The medicine did alleviate her pain, but it also made her very sleepy. Oh no, she had slept for several days, there is no way she want to sleep again. She tries to put some resistance to her sleep, but alas the effect of the medicine is too hard to endure.

“Sleep, Lady. I will have someone deliver your food later.” Lucius covers Katja with the blanket until her shoulder. “I’m going to tell everyone about it.” Ephraim looks really happy as Katja almost could see spring in his steps before sleep overtakes her consciousness.

\---OooOooO---

A hand on her hair is what wakes her several hours later.

“…wha?” Her voice is still heavy and hoarse from her sleep. Add the lack of water to that, her throat is parched.   


“Afternoon, sleeping beauty.” It’s Sigurd, with that gentle and warm smile on his face. Katja somehow relaxes into the touch, even leans a bit to it.

“…Papa,” Yes. Askr’s infamous Summoner calls Sigurd ‘Papa’ instead of his name or ‘Sir’ like any other heroes.

Katja turns to her right side, so her wounded side wont be pressured. Come to think of it, the wound is not as painful as before. Only dull throbbing that reminds her there is a hole there from an arrow. She’s blinking the sleep away from her eyes, all while curling closer to the warmth near her.

“Yes, it’s me. How do you feel?” Sigurd looks concerned, in more way than one. Especially after Eldigan told him what she said before she passed out from her wound. Sigurd know Lucius and the other healer will take good care of her physical wound. What is inside her head, though, he’s not sure. Eldigan too is worried about that, but he left it to Sigurd, as he understand that Katja and Sigurd share a unique bond, unlike him. And he also knew Sigurd will be better at pulling what’s inside the Summoner’s head.

“Much more better.” She coughs a bit. “…a bit thirsty?” Katja glances at a glass of water on the table beside her bed, sitting up to take it before she collapses back to the bed due to the lack of energy.

“I got it,” Sigurd supports Katja’s back and presses the rim of the glass to her lips, which she accepts eagerly. “Careful, careful,” He chides her playfully as she almost choke on the water. Some of the water even wet the robe she currently wear. She drinks the entire water inside before her thirst was finally satiated. 

“It’s quite rare for you to visit the wounded one,” Katja remarks casually, settling comfortably on the beda gain. Her wound certainly no longer painful, but she could feel the stretch of her healing skin and to be frank, that is quite uncomfortable.

“Well, if the wounded one is my little princess, I can’t be blamed for visiting, right? Besides, Lucius asked me to bring your lunch. So, here I am.”

The Summoner blushes a bit at that. “I’m not your little princess. If I recall, our age difference here is less than ten years.”

“Yes, yes I got it.” Sigurd laughs softly. At first, Sigurd was quite surprised at Katja calling him Papa (without the latter even realizing it), but then he grew fond to her, treating her like she’s his own daughter. And Katja seemed happy too, having a new father figure. Until now, Sigurd himself didn’t understand why would she need a father figure when Katja is an adult who should’ve been independent from a so-called ‘father figure’. Still, he shows no complain at all.

“So, you don’t come here just to bring me food, right? Is there anything you want to say to me?” The summoner has this presumption that Sigurd is here to talk about what she said to Eldigan before she passed out. Katja had prepared herself for this, though she’s not sure to what extent.

“You know, Katja, you can tell me anything you feel. There is no hiding from your Papa, right?” He leans forward, placing both of his elbows on his thighs. “Eldigan told me something. Seliph, too.” Oh, so Sigurd’s son also felt something wrong with her that night, when he asked her to get some rest.

Katja is silent for a few moment, eyes glancing to the ceiling. She can’t bring herself to look at Sigurd’s eyes, or the emotions she had piled up inside will explode and she’ll burst into something she’ll regret later. Even in front of Sigurd, Katja still keep this invisible wall that separates her heart with him.

“Nothing,” The Summoner turns around on her left side, ignoring the sudden pain flare.

“Don’t lie to me, Katja.” This time, Sigurd uses more ‘father’ tone than before. It pains him to see his Summoner like this.

“Nothing, Papa. Really,” Her fingers play with the stray fabric of the blanket. “I’m just wondering about stars…”

“Stars?”

“Mhm. Stars. What will happen if one of them, the dim one, suddenly die?”

Sigurd tries to find out what she really means from the question. He’s not perceptive enough to catch what Katja implies, what she really feels and thinks.

“They will continue to shine, of course.” He answers, confusion clear all over his face.

“Yes, they continue to shine. Then why should they care about this one dying dim star?” When Katja can’t hear understanding from Sigurd, she turns around again, facing the older man. “I’m a dim star. And all of you are radiant, sparkling stars. All of you shouldn’t care about one dim star like me… Even if I die, it doesn’t even matter. Just one dim star. You should’ve let me die, Sigurd. A dim star that serves no purpose.” 

The blue haired man is dumbfounded, and terribly shocked by what Katja said. He’s so shocked that he can’t say anything anymore. Nor he even know what to say to her. Consoling someone is not his best forte. He ends up being silent for a several minutes.

 _‘See?’_  The same traitorous voice whispers on her ears.

“Katja, actually—“

“No, Papa. It’s okay. You don’t have to force yourself to respond me.” She hides her face in the pillow.

“Katja—“ Sigurd tries to talk to her again.

“Can you leave me alone, Papa? I’m tired.” She’s lying. Katja is nowhere near tired. She just doesn’t want to be disturbed now.

Sigurd freezes in his track, before standing and ruffles Katja’s black hair. “Okay, then. Get some rest, princess.” A forced smile is on his face. “We’d love to have you back tomorrow with us.”

_‘I’m sorry, Sigurd.’_

“Okay,” She pulls the blanket of her head, pretending to sleep.

Though, before Sigurd completely exits the room, he talks loud enough. He knows Katja is still awake, and he knows she’s hiding something. But he won’t force her to talk, he knows better than that. Katja will open up when she wants to open up. For now, Sigurd will let her alone, guarding her from afar just in case she’s thinking (and doing) something stupid (again).

“Sure, one dying star won’t matter to the other stars. But Katja, you’re not a dim star. You’re a sun. Rest well, Katja.” With that, Sigurd closes the door.

Katja clutches the blanket in her trembling hands. “…Sun is a star too… It is general knowledge…” She chuckles a bit at that, before sobs break it. Her teeth bite her lower lip hard enough to draw blood as she holds her cry from becoming too loud or else anyone will hear, which is something she doesn’t want to happen.

_‘Am I, though?’_

**Author's Note:**

> That's it. Originally I want to make this story longer, but it'd stray from the purpose of this story, so I'll reveal more in later works. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this story! Please give me lots of love and kudos!


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